


Hold Me While I Shatter

by TheRainbowSys



Series: The Soldier System [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Eventual Smut, Except it won't, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Soldier System, The Winter Soldier as a seperate identity, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, everything will be okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:42:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28914054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRainbowSys/pseuds/TheRainbowSys
Summary: Have you ever looked at someone you love, only for a complete stranger to be staring back at you? Steve has to relearn everything he ever knew about James Buchanan Barnes when he discovers he is no longer alone in his head.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: The Soldier System [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120610
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Hold Me While I Shatter

**Author's Note:**

> We do not own these characters. Please note that we are not experts on Dissociative Identity Disorder, we are simply writing Bucky's experiences in a way that mirror our own as a DID system. Some things may not be entirely factual, to take into account the difference in Bucky's situation. -Rain

“Anyone ever tell you that you got a smart mouth?” The guy asked, foot resting casually on Steve’s chest while he lay on the floor- not enough force to actually cause damage just yet, but definitely enough to make him uncomfortable. And with his breathing compromised as it was, he was certainly suffering. Steve closed his eyes, knowing that fighting back would put him in a way worse position. He’d brought this on himself, he thought, staying perfectly still. “Well? I asked you a question.” He applied a little more pressure, making Steve whine in pain. 

“Y-yes, sir. They have.” He responded, really not wanting any more pain. That only made things worse for Steve as the boot on his chest applied more force and he  _ swore _ he heard a rib crack as flames of white-hot pain blazed within him. “Fuck!” He gasped, instinctively trying to curl up into a ball only to find that didn’t work.

Steve was so fucking lucky to have a friend like Bucky Barnes in his life. As he saw the silhouette of the tall brunette approach them he felt safe, despite the weight on his chest. “You back the fuck off, asshole.” He growled, grabbing the man’s arm and throwing him against the wall of the alleyway he’d dragged Steve into. 

“Or what?” The guy laughed. He stared Bucky down while Steve tried his best to scramble into what half-resembled a sitting position, face not wavering once while Bucky drew himself up to his full height. 

“Or I’ll kill you myself, dickwad.”

The fire in the brunette’s eyes showed just how serious he was, so the guy backed off, eventually just turning and fleeing from the alley. Bucky turned to Steve then- his gaze instantly softening at the sight of the injured blonde. “Oh, Stevie. Hey, sugar, I’m here. I got ya.” He carefully scooped Steve up into his arms, being extra gentle with him so as to not aggravate his injuries more.

“I can… walk… y’know.” Steve managed weakly, smiling up at Bucky, who just shook his head.

“Bullshit, punk, you can barely speak. I’m carryin’ you home.” He insisted. Steve grumbled incoherent words of complaint that were simply ignored, so eventually he gave up and enjoyed the close proximity to his friend. 

When they reached Steve’s small apartment, Bucky immediately kicked off his shoes and made himself at home on the couch. “Uh, what’re you doing, Buck?” Steve asked, confused.

“What does it look like? Knowing you, this is gonna fuck with your lungs. I’m stayin’ to make sure ya don’t die on me.” The brunette stretched out, grinning at his smaller friends. “Now, have we got any eggs? I can make omelettes."

“Ran out last week.”

“Fuck. Bread?”

“Ran outta that yesterday.”

Bucky groaned, running one hand through his hair. The gel that had slicked it back the whole day had come out in the rain, so his hair now fell into his eyes occasionally- Steve loved when it did that. “Soup it is.” He decided, heading into the kitchen.

“Thank you for taking care of me.” Steve whispered at Bucky’s back as he left the room. It was always the same- something would happen, whether that was a fight or another illness, and Bucky would Be There, watching him like a hawk to make sure he got enough rest and recovered properly.

“No problem, punk. It’s what I’m here for, making sure you don’t get yourself killed somehow.” Bucky teased in response. 

Steve groaned softly, rolling his eyes and leaning back against the couch. “I’m not gonna just drop dead outta nowhere.” He called after his friend. Bucky chuckled and Steve knew he was shaking his head fondly.

“Oh, I don’t know Stevie. Knowin’ you, you’d do it just to spite me.” There was a slight edge to the taller man’s voice now, almost as if he was in tears. Steve frowned.

“Buck… You know I’d never leave you, right?”

“Oh, I know. I’m messin’ with ya, punk, calm down.” He was trying to play it off, Steve could tell, but there was something. Something was off, wrong… but what?

XXX

It really didn’t take long before Steve’s worst nightmare came true, and Bucky was gone. He would never forget watching him fall, the sound of his screams constantly echoing in his mind and the sight playing in his mind every time he closed his eyes. And then he barely had time to grieve what with everything else going on. It was like no time at all passed before that plane was going down and the world was fading, disappearing from Steve's vision.

He genuinely thought that was the end.

How was he to know that he'd wake 70 years later, in an almost entirely new world? It was a lot to take in, to get used to, but Steve was _needed_ there, so he threw himself into protecting and defending this new world he'd found himself in. This world without Bucky, without Peggy, without anyone that he knew. Howard Stark's son, Tony, took him in when he had nowhere else to go. They worked together, spending afternoons training together and nights out on patrol. Steve found himself finally able to smile again when he was with Tony, to relax. It was a good feeling. One of the best in the world. 

But of course no person was without flaw. Tony's was that he was _so damaged_ , and yet refused to accept help. He'd bottle it all up until he had outbursts of rage, or he'd drink himself into unconsciousness on a regular basis. The worst part, though, was the nightmares that regularly left him screaming and sobbing, tossing and turning in his bed. 

Those nightmares went away when Steve held him. They learned that one night not long into their slowly-developing relationship, when Tony had fallen asleep in Steve's arms during a movie night. That night had been the first peaceful one in _weeks_ , and Tony even managed to sleep through the night without waking once. From that night on, they spent every night together. He still had nightmares, of course- they wouldn't just go away completely like that- but there were certainly fewer of them and they were easier to wake him from. 

They'd been together two months when Steve's life was flipped upside down once again, and he found himself staring into the eyes of his best friend. His heart was thudding hard against his ribs, breath caught in his throat as he tried to rationalise all this. He'd seen Bucky fall, he thought he'd seen him die... but clearly not. The left arm was now metal, cold to the touch and so, so strong- Steve had learned that when trying to pry the silver fingers from around his throat. Other than that, Bucky's physical transformation seemed similar to his own- he wasn't quite taller, he'd always been tall, but he was stronger. More muscled, definitely. 

He was gorgeous.

Steve had always been attracted to danger, he'd be the first to admit it. Despite his trauma, Tony was the safest he'd ever fallen for. But this was different. When he was impossibly attracted to the man who was trying to kill him, that could present some issues. 

Eventually he found his words, and managed to stutter out an incredulous sounding "Bucky?"

The reply broke his heart, and Steve knew then that he was staring into the eyes of a stranger.

"Who the hell is Bucky?"


End file.
